Sunday, February 27, 2011

New Ways to Suck: A found poem consisting of a partial reverse-order list of my 'Tweets' (let's find a new word for those things) from Oscar night arranged into stanzas. 'Sadists' refers to the producers who chose to put Kirk Douglas on; 'Marilyn Manson' to Russell Brand. Who also reminds me of Tiny Tim.

A big night for close-trimmed beards.
Franco made the mistake of attending the after-party first.
Oprah looks like she is about to collide with Earth.
Cate Blanchett claps limp.
Franco refuses to look us in the eye. He obviously ate it rather than smoked it. Kicking in hard.

It would be so easy for them to lick or suck the statues yet they never do.

Bring back silent movies
Blow me, Academy.
I used to want him to win.
Nice biceps.
Emotion or brain damage?
Is that Marilyn Manson?
New ways to suck being explored now.

Franco now being injected with Niacin.
They don't care and can't believe we do.
They need to move to animated hosts next year.
Worse than my prom. And reminds me of it.


  1. I couldn't bring myself to watch. Too many nominees now. The brand is diluted. Best Picture nominations were being printed like the fed prints money.

  2. You own two hours of your life that i gave away. Congratulate yourself.

  3. Taking our Oscar burden upon your shoulders. Suffering so that we may be spared.

  4. The show always seems to underwhelm doesn't it. Oscar-bashing aside, which of the films did you enjoy most this year?

  5. Trent Reznor used to look so much cooler with his hair long. Great Blog
    kickoff. Thanks for letting us all into, as Charlie Sheen says, your "Octagon".
    Gives you the freedom. The new Bachelor has one of those close trimmed beards, perhaps they are all emulating him.

  6. Douglas was the most painful part.

  7. Sheen and Bonaduce both actually, genuinely scare me when I watch them. Their mania feels viral, in a bad way. Like it can worm its way through the video screen the way some bugs can wiggle their way between latex molecules and penetrate condoms.

  8. I watched only 7 minutes and for the first time in years elected to NOT record it. I like Franco and Hathaway, just not doing this.

  9. Watching Oscars equals eating junk food: it sounds like fun abut leaves me feeling nauseous. I confess to watching the first half hour, and worse, finding myself being envious of certain stars (ok not Mr. Douglas). Note to self: I am also reading Margaret Thatcher's autobiography, and find myself at times envious of her as well. The difference is, in her case, I do not feel ridiculous for doing so.

    Watch what you eat.